And that’s okay. Sometimes things are hard. Sometimes things aren’t perfect. And that’s okay.
Marriage, however wonderful, is a big adjustment. I’ve found one of the hardest parts has been keeping up with a social life. Getting married at only 21 years old has put me in a weird and complicated stage of life. A stage where other people my age aren’t married, and other married people aren’t my age (and probably have a few kids). I have a few friends from high school who are now married or engaged, but life has them in different areas, geographically speaking.
All of our friends have been great throughout this time in our newlywedded lives. We still treasure all our friendships and keep up with them as best as we can. I love having my girlfriends over on nights when Kurtis is working late. And he loves going and having guys nights with his friends, but we have trouble including each other in those things. And we’ve found we have our relationship separate from our friendships and don’t have many friends together. Which seems so odd! But while our friends are going to concerts and clubs and staying up until 3 in the morning, we’re working full time, paying rent, grocery shopping, and trying to go to bed at a reasonable time. It’s so odd and I wish I could explain it better. It’s almost like being in limbo. Everything about my life screams adult, but everything inside of me still feels so…little. Is it weird to feel I don’t have much in common with people my own age, but I also don’t have much in common with other married people given that they are much older? It’s weird the way life can twist and turn. (I hate when people say we’re an “old married couple now.” Just because we got married doesn’t mean we magically aged 20 years! We’re only 5 months older than we were before!)
Sometimes I wonder how my life can seem so ‘adult’ on paper and still feel so unreal to me. I have many of the responsibilities of a typical 30 year old and sometimes I have to remind myself that I’m 21. And maybe I should be having more fun. I can get so wound up in making sure the rent is paid on time and figuring out what I’m making for dinner that I can forget to schedule time to hang out with friends or relax with my husband.
But now, as he’s snoring beside me I wouldn’t have it any other way. He is my best friend, and if he’s my only friend for the rest of my life I would still be perfectly happy. Luckily, that isn’t the case, but it’s comforting to know that however fleeting life may be, he will always be here, snoring right next to me. We’re still figuring this whole “marriage” thing out, but we’re slowly finding balance between being responsible and finding time to enjoy our youth. But we’ll get there, and one day this will all be normal, and we’ll be pros at this thing called marriage. …right?