Nobody Likes You When You’re 23- Birthday Recap

Is it acceptable to sing that Blink182 song for the next year until I’m 24? No? 

I had an amazing birthday. I’m a big fan of birthdays! Not just my birthday, but everyone’s birthday! Growing up they were always a big deal. I looked forward to my parents and siblings birthdays almost as much as my own. We always spent the day together doing an activity of the birthday person’s choice and then having a family party with their dinner of choice, cake and presents. And every other year we got to a have a big party with all our friends. I have such great memories of birthdays as a kid.

Kurtis doesn’t find birthdays as exciting as I do, he never went all out like my side of the family did, but I’m slowly teaching him my ways! 

For my birthday this year, I just wanted to relax. I spent the morning being lazy with Sawyer while Kurtis went into work for a little bit. That afternoon, we went to my parents for a birthday brunch with my family. My mom made biscuits and gravy from scratch (yum), and we had cupcakes and gifts. 

Later that night, my mother in law came over to babysit and Kurtis took me out. I honestly don’t think we’ve been out for a date just the two of us since Sawyer was maybe a month old. We were due! 

He took me to this grilled cheese restaurant I’ve been wanting to try. It wasn’t the fanciest place, but I’ve been dying to check it out and it did not disappoint! They have all different variations of grilled cheese, or you can build your own. Get this…you can even get a grilled cheese on a donut. They also have a bunch of different types of tomato soup for dipping. I wanted to try everything! It’s called Tom and Chee, and if there’s one near you, I highly reccomend it! 

I got a crunchy grilled cheese. It had bacon bits and bbq potato chips in it. It was beyond delicious.

Kurtis had a fancy grilled cheese with mushrooms, grilled onions, and peppers on half rye, half white bread. He also got a Little Dipper, which was a mini cup of tomato soup for dipping. 

Neither of us was brave enough to get a grilled cheese donut, but we promised each other next time we would (and there will definitely be a next time). 

Tom and Chee is located in this cute little promenade, so after dinner we walked around for a little bit and sat down for a while in front of the outdoor fireplace. Then, we walked down to Whole Foods to get desert. 

Whole Foods is probably one of my top 10 favorite places ever. I just love it. We picked out a few different French macaroons and a mini cheesecake. They were so good! 

It was so great to get out and have some “us” time. I love low key nights with my husband. Nothing makes me happier.

Even better, Kurtis’ gift hasn’t arrived in the mail yet, so when it does it’ll be like my birthday all over again, am I right? Anybody else secretly like when some gifts are late so they can keep celebrating? Can’t be just me… ūüėČ 


When Love Gets Hard

Most days, I feel like I’m drowning.

Most days, I feel like I’m working all day, but not getting anything done.

Most days, I cry out of frustration that I have so much going on, I will never, ever, see the end of my to-do list.

Most days are hard. Being a working Mom I have all the responsibilities of a stay at home mom, plus my work responsibilities, and most days, it’s too overwhelming to bear.

There are chores to do, meals to cook, mountains of bills to be paid, work to go to, homework to do, cars that refuse to stop breaking down and need to be fixed, a baby to clothe, bathe, feed, and entertain, and a dog to care for.

Most days I cherish the time I get to spend nursing, I get to sit and be still and spend time with my baby.

Most days, I count down the minutes until nap time when I can finally get things done uninterrupted. But once nap time comes, I count down the minutes until I can wake him up and hold him again.

Most mornings I rush around getting everything ready before we leave for work. And before I leave I scoop up my baby to spend a few quiet moments with him.

Most mornings I cry the whole way to work because I had to leave him.

Most evenings, when my husband finally walks through the door I am flooded with relief. And then guilt.

Relief that I finally have some help. Relief that I have another grown up to talk to. Relief that I can collapse into his arms if I need to and cry about my stressful day and he’ll listen.

Guilt that he has to come home to a house where dinner still isn’t finished, and there’s piles of unfolded laundry that I’ve promised I’ll get to and a hyper dog who hasn’t been walked yet.

Guilt that I sometimes take my frustrations out on him.¬†Guilt because I know I snap, and I know I’m not always kind. Guilt because I say things I don’t mean because I’m just so tired.

Guilt because the last thing I want to do is be loving. The last thing I want to do is be kind and understanding and love. I want to break down. I want to cry about my stress. I want to have someone to blame for how overwhelmed I feel.

My goal every day is to just be a better Wife and Mother than I was the day before. And sometimes, I fall short. I know that. I know I can always be better. And I have to be, for them. They deserve the best of me.

Most nights, when I lay Sawyer down in his crib and watch his little chest go up and down, I am so thankful. Thankful for the hospital bills that provided his heath. Thankful for the piles of laundry of his clothes. Thankful for the job that helps me to provide for him. Thankful for my never ending to do list, because it keeps my house in order, a place for our family to make memories and grow. Thankful to the hyper dog, for bringing me joy. Thankful to my husband, for helping as best he can, and being an amazing Dad to our little boy. And above all, thankful to God, for loaning Sawyer to us.

And I choose to love. I choose to love the dog who’s driving me crazy. I choose to love my husband even when I want to snap at him. I choose to love my baby, because he’s given me zero reason to feel otherwise.

Most nights, I go to bed happy.